


Love Commands

by OffYourBird



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Round Robin, Surrealism, exquisite corpse excerpt, just a tiny thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 01:11:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16440254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OffYourBird/pseuds/OffYourBird
Summary: This was my entry for Elysian Fields' second Exquisite Corpse round robin, and was the opening chapter.





	Love Commands

**Author's Note:**

> With some dialogue from BtVS S5.18 “Intervention”

She, Buffy Summers, was on a quest. Well,  _questing_ , at minimum. She wasn’t sure if her current situation really qualified as being 'on' anything, except maybe a laugh high from watching Giles literally shake his gourd. Of course, the whole questing thing would have been way more interesting if something had actually been happening.

She was beginning to seriously wonder about the effectiveness of her Watcher’s desert hokey pokey. What if he hadn’t turned himself around enough times?

Well, hey, there was one good thing about this lackluster desert adventure: even with losing about 50% of her feel-able emotions this year, her sense of humor was intact. So at least she’d still be able to quip if Glory had some kind of world-endage-worthy bad hair day.

Yay for her.

Sighing, Buffy shifted on the giant rock that was serving as her chair, wishing she’d brought a heavier jacket as goosebumps shivered across her skin.

Five more minutes, and then she was heading back to Giles’s car. Supposed answers be damned. She wasn’t leaving Dawn alone for a minute longer than necessary just for the unwanted pleasure of sitting in the desert at night. Alone.

She had enough of alone in her normal life.

An owl hooted, and her eyes blinked shut in sudden fatigue. Maybe she’d just rest for a minute before she went and told off Giles for his subpar dancing skills. Sleep hadn’t been the most available thing as of late; a nap would be of the good.

Just for a minute.

The crackle of shifting fire jolted her awake, and Buffy’s head snapped up, caught immediately by the presence of roaring campfire where there had before only been sand. And beyond that was crouched... the First Slayer.

Buffy rose warily, eying her wild predecessor. “Okay, I officially want a refund on this questing thing. Of all the things I didn’t need today, getting attempted dream-killed by Miss Original Jungle Crazy is pretty much in the top two.”

Buffy didn’t expect much of an answer, if one at all, but the First Slayer’s voice sounded forth serenely and vibrantly – entirely unlike the hoarse, guttural tones from last year – as she stared at Buffy through the flames separating them. “This is just a form, Slayer. I am your guide.”

“Oh. Huh.” Maybe the hokey pokey thing was legitimate after all. Buffy drew herself up. “I have some questions… about being the Slayer. About… love. And not just boyfriend love. Lovey-er love. Family kind of love.”

The First Slayer cocked her head. “You are worried that you are losing your ability to love.”

Geez, was the guide a mind reader? Buffy frowned. “I didn’t say…” She sighed. “Yeah. That’s what I’m worried about.”

“You are afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity.”

Definitely a mind reader. Buffy nodded shortly. “Yes.” When the spirit guide didn’t immediately continue, Buffy ventured a small, “Does it? Mean that, I mean.”

The First Slayer’s dark eyes regarded her solemnly beneath her heavy brow. “You are full of love. You love with all of yourself. It is brighter than this fire… Blinding. That is why you pull away from it.”

Relief and uncertainty welled with equal measure. “I’m full of love? So, I’m not losing it?”

“Only if you reject it,” the First Slayer said simply.

“But…” Buffy bit her lip. “But I can’t  _feel_ it. How can I not reject it if I don’t even know where it is?”

“It is not a matter of finding. It is a matter of seeing.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes. “But you just said my love is blinding. How can I see it if it blinds me? I’m sensing a lose-lose scenario here.”

“You must accept love to see love.”

Buffy threw up her hands. “Could you  _be_ more cryptic person? And, for your information, I accept plenty of love! I’m love-accepting girl.”

The First Slayer watched her stoically. “Are you? Does accepting expressions of affection not bring you discomfort? Do you not feel unworthy of that kind of attention?”

Buffy felt her throat tighten. “I’m  _not_ worthy.” Not when her life was riddled with failure. Not when she was the reason Jenny Calendar died. Not when she couldn’t save her mom (and hadn’t even  _been_ there). Not when she couldn’t even manage to do something so basic as keep a boyfriend around. Worthiness wasn’t an option anymore; all she could do was keep going.

“To reject love is to lose love.”

Buffy put her hands on her hips, her stance straightening with exasperation. “Yes, thank you, Oprah. But it’s not like I can just wake up tomorrow and suddenly feel worthy. It doesn’t work like that.”

“There is a way,” the First Slayer intoned.

Buffy frowned at her. “A way? A way for what?”

“To see love so that you may accept it.”

Buffy paused for only a moment. This was why she had come, right? No point in turning back now. “Show me.”

The First Slayer pointed to the fire. “Look inside the flames.”

“That’s all?”

“That is all.”

If only all of her problems were so easily solved. Nervous anticipation churning in her stomach, Buffy looked directly into the fire. At first, all she saw was deep, flickering tongues of orange and white flame. She considered blinking, but the fear of missing whatever she was supposed to see kept her eyes open and watering. Everything blurred. She finally blinked; when her vision returned, she was staring at Spike.

What?

To make matters weirder, she wasn’t even in the desert anymore. She was in somebody’s house – in their front hallway – with a giddy looking Spike and… was that the robot guy Warren? Before she had time to completely comprehend that, Warren had run out the door, and she was striding forward without any real control over her actions. Then– whoa to the infinite degree…  _Why was she kissing Spike?_  Oh, this was… surprisingly not unpleasant. Except everything felt odd about it, as if she wasn’t exactly feeling the sensation, but recording it? Something flickered in her mind’s eye, a wash of unintelligible computer code followed by a blaring command that declared,  _Kiss Spike hello. Spike is evil and sexy_. What the what was going on? Was she… a robot?

**Author's Note:**

> The full round robin is found on Elysian Fields at https://dark-solace.org/elysian/viewstory.php?sid=5772


End file.
